By Shana Lepsis, Founder of The Blushing Bride Boutique | Frisco, Texas

After spending so many years around brides, I’ve learned that there are a lot of emotions that come with a first wedding dress appointment, and excitement isn’t always the only one. There can be quite a bit of nervousness too. Maybe you’re worried you won’t know what kind of wedding dress you want, you’re wondering what you’re supposed to wear underneath the gowns or whether you need to bring shoes, or you’re nervous about changing in front of someone you’ve never met. Sometimes there’s an even bigger worry a bride may not say out loud: What if I don’t like anything? If that’s you, the first thing I would want you to know is that you really don’t need to have everything figured out before you arrive. That’s part of what your bridal appointment is for.

One of the things I don’t think we talk about enough is how vulnerable trying on wedding dresses can feel. You’re meeting a stylist for the first time and then, fairly quickly, you’re changing clothes in a dressing room with her. For some brides that’s no big deal, but for others the thought of being practically naked in front of someone they just met can be extremely uncomfortable, and I completely understand that. At The Blushing Bride, we try to give our brides as much privacy as possible while they’re changing. As you’re stepping out of one gown, your stylist may hand you the next one and then turn around while she takes care of the dress you just removed. We also provide robes, so if you would feel more comfortable putting one on between dresses, you absolutely can. And if you simply don’t want your stylist in the dressing room while you’re changing, just tell us. We are always happy to step out, let you get into the dress privately and come back in when you’re ready so we can zip you up, adjust the gown and use clamps when necessary to help you see how the dress would fit your body. You should never feel as though being uncomfortable is just something you’re expected to tolerate because you’re shopping for a wedding dress.

I also want brides to know that it’s completely normal to walk into your first appointment and say, “I have no idea what I want.” You don’t need to know the difference between every silhouette, fabric or neckline, and you definitely don’t need to speak “wedding dress.” That’s why the consultation at the beginning of the appointment is so important to us. Before we start pulling dresses, we want to understand you and your wedding. Where are you getting married? Why did you choose that venue? Is your wedding extremely formal, will you be outside, or is it a destination wedding? What do you want the entire day to feel like? If you already have your venue, I love seeing pictures. I don’t just want to know the name of it. I want to see where you’re going to stand and the aisle you’re going to walk down because it helps me picture you in that setting and better understand the vision you’re creating.

Pinterest photos are helpful too, so if you’ve saved dresses you love, show us. They give us a wonderful place to start with what you think you might want, but I always encourage brides to leave a little room for us to surprise them. We know our inventory extremely well. We know how the gowns are constructed, how they fit different figures and what they look like on a body rather than a hanger. Once we’ve talked to you and understand your wedding, there may be a dress your stylist thinks you need to try even though you never would have chosen it yourself. We call those our wildcard pulls, and sometimes they’re the dresses that change the entire appointment. Your inspiration gives us a starting point, but it doesn’t necessarily have to determine where we finish.

There are also a few things brides tend to worry about bringing that I don’t think they need to worry about nearly as much. You don’t need special shape wear for your appointment. In fact, some shape wear can be so tight that it leaves you feeling uncomfortable while you’re trying on dresses. A beautifully constructed wedding gown is very different from an everyday dress. Many of the gowns we carry have structure and cups already built into them, so you generally don’t need a strapless bra either. Honestly, simple nude underwear is usually all you need. If you’d like a little additional coverage while changing, nipple covers are great. Even sticky bras can sometimes become more of a nuisance because we’re trying to position them underneath cups that are already built into the gown.

I do encourage brides to put a little effort into their hair and makeup before their appointment, but not because you need to look perfect for us. You absolutely don’t. I want you to do it for yourself. You don’t need formal wedding-day hair and makeup; just come feeling like a slightly elevated version of yourself. When you’re standing in front of a mirror wearing a wedding gown for the first time, feeling good about the way you look can make it easier to imagine the complete picture. One thing you can leave at home, though, is the heels. We actually prefer our brides to try on gowns barefoot. Our pedestals are about six or seven inches high, so you’ll have some height when you step up to see the dress, and wedding gown fabrics can also become surprisingly slippery underneath heels. I’d much rather have you feel comfortable and safe than worry about recreating your exact wedding-day height during this first appointment.

You don’t need to bring a veil or accessories either. We have those in the boutique, and I think there’s something really special about waiting until you’ve found a dress you love before we start completing the picture. That’s when your stylist can select a veil and accessories that actually make sense with your gown. If you already own something meaningful that you know you want to wear on your wedding day, I would usually save that for your first alterations fitting. That’s when you’re standing in your actual dress and you’ll have more time to see how those personal pieces work with the finished look. Your first bridal appointment doesn’t need to accomplish everything. The goal is to find your dress.

Another decision that can have a surprisingly big effect on your appointment is who you bring with you. In my experience, four guests plus the bride is about the maximum I would recommend for a first appointment. I’ve seen what happens when there are simply too many opinions in the room. Everyone may love the bride and genuinely want the best for her, but suddenly she’s hearing what her mom likes, what her sister doesn’t like, what her bridesmaid would wear and what someone else thinks she should try. Eventually, it can become difficult for the bride to hear herself. I’ve had brides shop alone, I’ve had brides bring only their mom or one trusted friend, and I’ve had brides come to us after an experience somewhere else where they realized that having a large group made the decision harder rather than easier. So when you’re deciding whom to invite, don’t only think about who wants to come. Think about who will allow you to have your own experience.

And if you’re one of the people a bride invites to sit on that sofa, one of the kindest things you can do is give her a moment before telling her what you think. When she walks out in a dress, let her walk to the mirror, step onto the pedestal and really look at herself. Ask her how she feels and let her speak first. Sometimes being supportive doesn’t mean having an opinion about every dress. Sometimes being supportive means giving the bride enough space to discover her own opinion before everyone else shares theirs.

The actual process of trying on dresses is much more intentional than I think many brides expect. Most of our brides will try somewhere around six to eight gowns during an appointment. Sometimes it’s more, particularly if she’s very decisive, but I don’t believe there’s much value in putting a bride into dress after dress simply so she can say she tried them. At some point, more choices stop being helpful and start becoming overwhelming. If you’ve already shopped at another boutique, show us pictures of what you’ve tried. We don’t need to start your journey over again. If you’ve already discovered that you love a fitted silhouette, for example, we can explore that further and start narrowing down whether you prefer something very classic or whether we should introduce more detail.

Your stylist is paying attention throughout the entire appointment. We’re listening to what you’re saying, but we’re watching your reactions too. We’re noticing your body language, the fabrics you touch, the details you keep mentioning and how your expression changes from one gown to another. We’re constantly editing with you. When there’s a dress a bride really loves, we’ll often hang it beside the mirror so that it becomes our contender. Then every dress that comes afterward has one question to answer: Can it beat the dress hanging beside the mirror? The dresses that aren’t contenders go back out to the racks rather than accumulating in the dressing room and giving you more and more things to reconsider. You’re making little decisions throughout the appointment, and we’re helping you narrow the possibilities along the way. We’re not trying to show you the most dresses. We’re trying to show you the right dresses.

Then there’s the question almost every bride eventually wonders about: How am I supposed to know when I’ve found the one? I wish I could give brides one universal answer, but I can’t because every bride is different. Some women are very quick decision-makers, while others are much more analytical and need to go home, look through their photos and videos and think about how they felt before making such an important decision. I think it’s perfectly normal for wedding dress shopping to be a two-step process. Your first appointment may simply be about discovery. You might leave with three or four gowns written down on your card that you really loved, and then after you go home and look through everything again, you realize there are really only two dresses you keep thinking about. Come back, put those two on again and see how you feel.

There are so many wedding dresses available to brides today that sometimes I think there may actually be too many choices. It can create this feeling that you have to keep shopping because there might be one more dress somewhere that you haven’t seen. At The Blushing Bride, we have more than 1,000 gowns in our boutique, so there is already an enormous amount to discover, and you don’t have to see every wedding dress that exists before you’re allowed to choose yours. Sometimes you need to stop shopping for a minute, go home, sleep on it and dream about the dress. Pay attention to the one you keep pulling up on your phone, the one you can picture yourself walking down the aisle in, and the one you find yourself wanting to put back on. Sometimes that’s how you know.

And please don’t think you have to cry. I really wish brides didn’t feel pressure to have some huge emotional reaction when they find their wedding dress. Every woman processes decisions differently. Some brides are naturally very emotional, while others are analytical, and neither reaction means she loves her dress more or less. I’ve also seen brides cry in dresses that ultimately weren’t the dress. Sometimes those tears are relief. She may have walked into the boutique secretly worried that nothing would look good on her or that she wouldn’t find anything she liked, and suddenly she realizes she has several beautiful options. Maybe she’s having a wonderful time or maybe she’s simply feeling all of the love in the room. That’s emotional too. You don’t have to cry to know, and crying doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve found the one. Your reaction belongs to you.

If I could sit beside a bride for one minute before she walks into her very first wedding dress appointment, I think that’s ultimately what I would want her to understand. You’re walking into a professional environment, and you’re going to be with a stylist who does this every day. She knows the dresses, she knows the inventory and, most importantly, she’s going to listen to you. She’s going to ask what you love, what you absolutely don’t want and what price point you’re comfortable with. Your budget matters, your preferences matter and the things you don’t want matter too. A good bridal stylist isn’t there to push you into her favorite gown or into a dress outside the budget you’ve given her. She’s there to take everything you’ve told her and use her knowledge of the collection to help you discover dresses that make sense for you.

So if you’re sitting in your car before your first appointment feeling nervous, you don’t need to walk through the door knowing exactly what you’re looking for. You just need to walk through the door. We’ll take it from there.

— Shana

Ready to start your own dress-shopping story? Come visit us at The Blushing Bride Boutique in Frisco, Texas.

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